So I just finished watching the movie “Two for the Road.” It’s not really that good: it’s kind of about an English couple’s dysfunctional relationship over the years. In short, Albert Finney loves himself and Audrey Hepburn spends the rest of her life trying to get his attention, up to an including wearing a dress completely made out of mirrors. At one point in their relationship, they’re driving an MG through France. It does exactly what an MG was built to do: it stalls repeatedly, makes strange sounds, has parts of itself fall off, and eventually catches on fire and incinerates itself, for which a French beaurocrat fines them.
That didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me though, was that in another point in the movie, Audrey Hepburn hitches a ride in an Alfa Romeo. That was total fiction. The Alfa Romeo was actually running. I have never seen an Alfa Romeo running. My friend Rick had an Alfa Romeo for years, but whenever we got together, I had to drive, because the Alfa Romeo was either already in the shop, or had just broken down in some new way. Rick eventually sold his Alfa Romeo, and got a BMW. It may not be hot enough to pick up Audrey Hepburn on the shores of Lake Constance, but at least it runs.
Anyway, in the movie, Albert Finney has to dog it, despite his confidence that some hot chick in a more reliable car would stop and give him a better ride, in all senses of the phrase. To his surprise, he comes across Audrey Hepburn, who tells him the Alfa driver ditched her because she said she was in love with the crazy Englishman they left behind.
If the movie’s meant to be the slightest bit realistic, she was lying. The Alfa broke down, as its owner undoubtedly expected it to. But instead of staying put, she got out, and got stuck with Albert Finney again.